Why I Made Ballsy, Audacious Goals & Why I Continue to Scare Myself

April 21, 2011

Wow, that’s quite a title isn’t it?  But honestly, I’m sitting here at my computer- it’s 10:30 at night, about the time I pack it in for the night, and I just can’t wrap my brain around all I’m trying to sandwich right now.  (Sandwich is a term I use when I’m trying to cram too much together between two metaphorical bread slices of my start of day and end of day, and a prelude to me biting off more than I can chew later).  I digress…

Here is what is on my mind:

-I “came out” as a blogger! Since I established the blog in late January, I have been using the pen name “Ruby,” for personal safety reasons.  Well, I changed my mind (and bought a taser).  Well, no, I didn’t buy the taser, but I should have.  Basically, I took some steps to protect my privacy and decided to get over my fears.  So hi everyone, I’m Shannyn…

-I got my tax return YAY!  Now I must be very, very careful as to what I spend it on.  See what I originally had planned here and know I already decided against the yoga pants and I’m not debating if I can really need that gorgeous Tiffany necklace, or if the money would be better spent in a real investment.

……….should I use some of the tax return money to invest (is “invest” the right word) in a better layout for FruBu?  I mean, how much is too much?   Am I silly to spend money on a new layout when I secretly worry I don’t have the skills to make this blog into a real awesome corner of the internet world?  *sigh….moving on….*

-I am starting a fundraiser that involves a lot of cosmetics and a lot of money (in fact all of it) going to charity.  I am just a tad-bit nervous.  Look, I know I’ve done well with Mary Kay in the past (yes, I’m one of those people)…but this time I’m going about it all different.  This time around, I’m doing it as a philanthropic endeavor, I will not have a full inventory, and will do all of my selling online.  (No parties for me, thanks..try and get a cosmetic caddy on the EL train, I dare you).   God, I just come up with the weirdest ideas “Ya, I’m going to sell Mary Kay for charity and I’m not going to do it at all conventionally..and yes, it’s all on my credit card!”

-Oh ya, I need to start writing this “thesis” thing all the kids keep talking about.  Woops, should have probably given that some more thought before now.  Tee hee…I’m getting a Masters of Arts in Sociology.  Cute.

-And….I kind of gave up restaurants for a month.  We are currently on Day #7.  But don’t worry, nobody’s asked me out on a date so we don’t need to have that awkward convo!   Hahah….I’m pretty sure the words grad student/blogger is a pre-existing condition that serves as an excellent gatekeeper for members of the opposite sex, and I’m totally fine with that!  I have two years right?

-I’ve been working on a CV and cover letter to apply for an assistanship within the Women’s Studies Dept. at my institution.  I’m not a WS grad student, and they get pref over outsiders (hiss hiss), but I’m working my tush off to teach them that a sociology grad student is exactly who they’re looking for.  See? I filled a need you didn’t know you had!

It’s amazing how nerve wracking writing these darn things can be…and none of it seems ethical, there’s a fine line between highlighting and flat out embellishing…I am trying to do my best to be competitive while still being honest- but how do you make yourself look appealing on paper without juggling flaming elephants whilst riding a unicycle?   I hope to find out.  I need this assistantship. NEED.


I’m already compiling a summer reading list (that is so deliciously un-curriculum as I call it) and blog list that I want to sift through.  I realize the education I’m paying for, as it stands (What, you mean the American Sociological Association won’t teach me all I need to know???!) is going to leave me woefully unprepared for meeting my goals… you know, goals that don’t involve insurmountable student loan debt, a ground-in career track and becoming one of the statistics I wrote about in my “Sociology of Poverty” class.

I’m very thankful for the opportunity to get my M.A. degree, but I’m going to have to sweat a little more and think outside the stacks to make the most of it…reading PDFs and writing papers isn’t enough in terms of education (and it sure don’t pay the bills!) so I need to keep moving forward!

I hope you’ll enjoy this clip as much as I did:


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