Love and Money: Are You Training People To Treat You Poorly?

February 6, 2012


How are you training people to treat you?

Just a thought to keep through the week-  if you’re struggling with a relationship in your life, perhaps a frustrating boss, an ex-boyfriend who won’t leave you alone or a friend who seems to be orbiting her on planet, recognize your role in your relationships.

We literally train people how to treat us- and recognizing our responsibility in the negative relationships we have in our life will help free up your heart and mind to solve the problems the relationship creates.  Whether you boss doesn’t seem to listen, have you been too meek to be taken seriously or feel insecure about your contribution to your job?  Do you sell yourself short? When was the last time you voiced your worth and demanded a raise?

As for your ex-boyfriend- if you answer his calls or secretly long to get back with him, your actions speak louder than your intentions!  Any friends you have that seem selfish or clueless have also been trained to treat the relationship that way and perhaps assume that you’re happy.

The actions you take or thus, don’t take train the people in your life to how to behave around you!

Sometimes it’s difficult and even painful to recognize your own responsibility in creating the relationship with others that you have.  We are all human, but our interactions and behaviors shape the continuation of that relationship.  It may seem impossible to acknowledge our responsibility, especially when our boss is a jerk or the guys we’re dating just don’t “get it,” but seeing what you’re doing to first create the situation, then to perpetuate the situation can be totally freeing.

Owning up to your participation in the situation will help you either stop it or walk away.

I realized a few weeks ago that while dating I was “training” guys to treat me a certain way. I would be disappointed that they weren’t gentlemen or romantic but realized I sent off a vibe that confused them, that I was too independent for sentiment  (by making them feel like I was too busy to date, and insisting on paying for the bill every time).  I built walls around myself and only attracted the wrong kind of guy.  I know we all do this kind of ‘training’ at work, in our family and in relationships- we feel guilty, lack trust or feel we aren’t worthy and people assume that’s how we want to be treated.


Of course we all go through rough patches or make mistakes in our relationships, but you have to voice your emotions and recognize that YOUR actions and attitudes play the biggest role in how people see and treat you!


Think about your relationships or interactions, can you see how “training” has been both a part of how you treat others and how you are treated?  

8 comments so far.

8 responses to “Love and Money: Are You Training People To Treat You Poorly?”

  1. writingchellestyle says:

    Awesome post! I'm in the process of retraining myself in order to stop some negative things in my life. Couldn't have read this at a better time.

  2. mammasaver says:

    A very timely post for me – food for thought indeed.

    • Shannyn@FruBeautiful says:

      Yes, I think we can all use a relationship check in from time to time- no matter what relationship that is! Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  3. Whitney says:

    Thank you so much for posting about this! It is a life goal of mine to think of how my actions make others act before blaming them; maybe my boss walks all over me because I LET her. It feels empowering to take responsibility for your actions and if people are still horrible, it's on them.

    <3 Whitney

    • Shannyn@FruBeautiful says:

      <3 you too- it totally sucks sometimes to realize your own role in creating the relationship but we all play a part in fostering those relationships even when they're negative. Just as you can improve a relationship and help your spouse or parents communicate with you more effectively, we can also do the same in reverse.

      Yesterday was a rude reminder for me that I needed to take responsibility for creating the exchange that occurred.

  4. I couldn't agree more with your post. I have a new job, and at first people are not sure how to act or treat me, but I honestly try and stay myself and keep on being nice. You really are like you said "training people on how to treat you"

  5. […] Beautiful asks that ever important question- Love and Money: Are You Training People to Treat You Poorly? It’s a lot like with pets, if we accept bad behavior, we are teaching them that that is […]

  6. Leslie says:

    This is a great post! Too many times many of us (I would guess most of us), don't speak up when someone is not talking to us appropriately. I find a lot of these times is under the guise of humour. Well there is nothing funny about being talked to like you are one of the "guys" especially when the comments are crude.


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