Just a thought to keep through the week- if you’re struggling with a relationship in your life, perhaps a frustrating boss, an ex-boyfriend who won’t leave you alone or a friend who seems to be orbiting her on planet, recognize your role in your relationships.
We literally train people how to treat us- and recognizing our responsibility in the negative relationships we have in our life will help free up your heart and mind to solve the problems the relationship creates. Whether you boss doesn’t seem to listen, have you been too meek to be taken seriously or feel insecure about your contribution to your job? Do you sell yourself short? When was the last time you voiced your worth and demanded a raise?
As for your ex-boyfriend- if you answer his calls or secretly long to get back with him, your actions speak louder than your intentions! Any friends you have that seem selfish or clueless have also been trained to treat the relationship that way and perhaps assume that you’re happy.
Sometimes it’s difficult and even painful to recognize your own responsibility in creating the relationship with others that you have. We are all human, but our interactions and behaviors shape the continuation of that relationship. It may seem impossible to acknowledge our responsibility, especially when our boss is a jerk or the guys we’re dating just don’t “get it,” but seeing what you’re doing to first create the situation, then to perpetuate the situation can be totally freeing.
I realized a few weeks ago that while dating I was “training” guys to treat me a certain way. I would be disappointed that they weren’t gentlemen or romantic but realized I sent off a vibe that confused them, that I was too independent for sentiment (by making them feel like I was too busy to date, and insisting on paying for the bill every time). I built walls around myself and only attracted the wrong kind of guy. I know we all do this kind of ‘training’ at work, in our family and in relationships- we feel guilty, lack trust or feel we aren’t worthy and people assume that’s how we want to be treated.
Think about your relationships or interactions, can you see how “training” has been both a part of how you treat others and how you are treated?