Why I Would Not Recommend EHarmony To A Friend..Or Anyone.

March 19, 2015

Thinking about trying online dating?  I love to use the sites but had a frustrating experience with eharmony and would not recommend it!  Read on to see if it's right, or wrong, for you...

I like to consider myself pretty savvy with my purchases, and I’m pretty savvy with the internet too- I’m a blogger and I do social media management for a living, but everything about my experience with eHarmony, the company, has been a total bust.

Now, the fellas I met through eHarmony were just fine.  That’s not my problem- the frustration I’m feeling is with the really clunky iPhone app (which really makes for a cumbersome user experience), the poor customer service, and the doozy of a billing plan that locks you in until you beg for mercy.

I’ve tried online dating before, both paid and free sites, and really liked it.  OkCupid worked just fine, and I met some great guys on there, a few of whom ended up being good friends.  I have also tried Match.com years ago and had a fine experience.  When I became single last fall, I decided to try eHarmony, thinking it would have more of the dating pool I was looking for at this stage in life- guys that have their stuff together and are looking for marriage-worthy partners.  In that respect, eHarmony did just fine. Everything else about the site and the service made me want to smash things.

eHarmony not a fan

First, the emails are annoying.  For some matches, you get this image- and you can’t tell if the person just hasn’t uploaded a photo yet (which why would I bother clicking through to a person who hasn’t filled out their profile completely? Ain’t nobody got time for that), or if they do this on purpose. In this case, Rory does indeed have a profile image, but all I get is this random silhouette- so I think they do matches a disservice by using a default avatar- it lends the impression that this user hasn’t finished his profile, so I typically don’t waste my time with inactive users. Not really appealing, I have no idea why they do that for one off matches.  It’s annoying.


Even more annoying still- any time you click a match from your email, even if you’re already logged to eHarmony and surfing their site, it requires you to LOG IN AGAIN, EVERY TIME you click a match. Yes, every time.  So, you get matched with 5 guys- 3 look appealing.  You click 3 faces, and each browser tab opens with a login screen. Who doesn’t love to login 3 times even though you were already logged in 5 minutes ago browsing yesterday’s matches?

Logging into eharmony is a pain

Who doesn’t love logging into a website 5 times after you’ve already logged in? It’s a great use of time!


Maybe it’s for security?  Hmm, my bank has a better user experience than this and they have every reason to fear getting hacked.  This website isn’t cheap either (which I’ll get to), so you’d think someone in development would have considered this? Maybe they have, but please fix it.

Secondly, the subscription plan is a bit confusing and there aren’t many options.  When I signed up, there was either a hefty $59.95 a month, or you can sign up for a year, with three payments of $63.83.  What I didn’t realize upon signing up, which I apparently should have read the fine print- is that the $63.83 will bill one month right after the other.  So, you pay for the entire year, with no refunds (unless you dispute in a 3 day refund window), in under 90 days.

Which honestly- feels like a good way to bait people into paying for  year- nobody wants to pay $59.95 for a month when they could pay $63 for 4 months…but then bill them so fast they’re locked in anyway.

The checkout process with various packages was quite confusing, and really- I feel that users get railroaded into signing up for a year’s subscription.  Most of us would like to be matched with someone within 4-6 months, so even if you are matched, which is what the site’s designed to- tough cookies, you’ve paid for the whole year.


So, I falsely assumed that eHarmony, when they said they would bill me in 3 monthly installments- would charge my credit every 4 months.  Nope.  I had three credit charges in November, December, January.  By the time I realized this, I couldn’t cancel my subscription.  While I realize that I should have read the fine print, and totally am fine paying for 6+ months I’m not going to use, the whole process felt very scammy.

So, with eHarmony- if the product works and you find love, you still pay for it.  If the product sucks and you’d rather cancel, you still pay for it.  No ifs, ands or butts- be prepared to pay up the cool-o for eHarmony, and an app that makes you want to throw your phone.

Oh, even better-after 3 emails to customer care with no response with questions about my plan, I gave them a call.  A rep kindly explained the situation to me, meaning, the “no refunds,” situation, which is fine…so I log onto my account to at least turn it off and get my privacy back.  I get this delightful little pop-up that is quite confusing…. does this mean my profile is no longer being matched or that I just don’t get those daily match emails? The “sending” part doesn’t make any sense to me.  >flips table<

Why I hate eHarmony

Guess what, if you’ve (been forced) to pay for an entire 12 months, you can’t delete your account.

I kid you not. You can turn off matches, but I could not delete my profile from the website. GOODIE!  Let’s just say I found love through eHarmony, and my new boyfriend would rather me not have a profile (you know because, that chapter of your life should be closed), you never really get to go away.  Why can’t I be an adult and take my non-refundable membership and put it in the “things I regret and want to forget about category” where I’d like it to go and move on? Why must this go on? Sigh.

So, does turning off matches mean that randoms can’t see my name and profile?  Why isn’t this more clear and why does this whole dating site in and of itself feel like a REALLY REALLY BAD DATE.  I really don’t care about the daily match emails as much as I care about not being viewed by guys any longer.  I mean, if you’ve ever started a new relationship, you eventually ask your significant other “So I take it you deactivated your online dating profile right?” Well, with eHarmony, you can’t.

Perhaps they’re banking it won’t pan out and you’ll be back before your payment lapses…that is, unless they have you for automatic billing which is probably why they don’t make it easy to delete the site- they’re just hoping you didn’t notice and you’ll get locked in for another year.

Eharmony’s pricing policies, user interface and customer care makes it feel like a 12 month long bad date that you pay a lot for. It just drags on.

Eharmony, you have my money, but can’t you just give me my privacy back, in the form of a total delete? I’m an intelligent grown-up. You got my cash, I’d really just like to LEAVE now, but this really feels like I’m on a bad date in real life at the Hotel California.  You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Sigh.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone on a rant like this on my blog. I’m just not the ranty type, but my experience with eHarmony makes my blood boil. I realize that I signed up to pay for a service, and in that, I committed to a length of time and a price tag- but I feel the money wasn’t worth it, not because the matches were bad (in fact, the matches were just fine!) but that the product itself and the support system around it does not have the customer’s best interests at heart.

I’m sure they have plenty of customers that try and cancel prematurely because they didn’t find love and are frustrated.  That’s not the case here, I just really thought the whole experience was lackluster and the process of using the site itself was underwhelming and customer care was frustrating. I would NOT recommend eHarmony to anyone for these reasons- it’s just not a fun experience and this is coming from a gal who has done online dating before and did enjoy the dates she went on.  I wish I could say I was bitter and all the guys were jerks, that’s why I hate eHarmony, but that’s not the case- I just really wish I’d never signed up for it.


Is it worth the cost? Nope.  Would I pay a lot for a good match? Absolutely, that is worth it!  Do I think you can get your money’s worth at eHarmony? Only if you like getting locked into contracts whether the service is successful or not, I’d say, otherwise, nope. If you’re a busy professional who would like logins that work seamlessly, and an app that is user-friendly to communicate with matches so you can browse/chat on the go, I’d also say, no.


44 comments so far.

44 responses to “Why I Would Not Recommend EHarmony To A Friend..Or Anyone.”

  1. If you haven’t tried Plenty of Fish yet I met Travis that way. I LOVED online dating. I always told my friends I met better quality guys that way than I ever did in person. I went on dates with doctors, lawyers, professors, multi-millionaires, and pilots 🙂

    • Shannyn says:

      Haha, it does seem to work that way! Thanks for recommending Plenty of Fish.

      • Craig says:

        Shannon, from my experience all online dating sites are money traps. Whether your looking for love in your local area or international love they are all scams that make their owners loads of money. Ive tried a number of sites and local dating services and none of them have worked.

        Ps. I would avoid Match.com as well. Never went on one date in the 2 yrs I was on there.

  2. Kara says:

    wow! I wish I read this a few months ago. I’m going through the exact thing. I found that there is just not enough men in my area they matched me with. They match me with guys 3 or 4 states away….I set it specifically for 50 miles away max. I just wanted my info off of the site. Nope. Won’t allow it. So I deleted all my pics and any info I put in my profile. That’s pretty much all you can do. My dear mother saw the commercials and convinced me to go on it. The commercials are a marketing scam. Haha. Good luck!

    • Shannyn says:

      Ya, it’s a total scam. When the program works, and even when it doesn’t, people want to be removed from the listings, but that would mean that the pool of potentials starts to APPEAR smaller….even though it is.

      A friend who I was ranting to last night suggested I do what you did- remove my images, remove my information and then wait it out. It’s infuriating.

      I wish I had been smarter- there aren’t any “match” settings. They send so many matches each day, there isn’t much in common besides geography, which really- what is the service?

      This expensive service only provides you an opportunity to pay to view and potentially meet other people who have paid for the service. So yes, you’re paying to join a club of other people who have joined the same club…there really isn’t that much vetting of figuring out a good fit.

      Case in point- there have been guys I’ve met in real life, who I went on dates with and we had great chemistry. Come to find out, they’re on eHarmony too….but we weren’t matched, even though we lived within 10 miles of each other, and had many of the same things listed in our profiles- same hobbies, same pictures (like we both attended races and posted images of doing similar activities) and the answered questions seemed to make us compatible.. but nope! Not matched…lol.

      I regret signing up for this service, and I’m typically a fan of online dating!

      • R says:

        Oh my word, I got 10-15 matches a day. And because I have a life, I did not go on the dating website every single day. It became exhausting to sift through all those matches. I have the 6 month subscription, and even after that ended, I think they still have my profile up. I removed my pictures and my information.

      • Alexis says:

        I’d have to disagree with you on a lot of points. One, eharmony is not matching you based on trivial hobby interests it’s deeper than that. It’s how you see the world. What you would do if someone dropped their change on the ground or if someone on the street yelled at you. Do you help them instinctively do you run away from the screaming person or yell back. These choices we make are our character traits that eharmony is connecting you with your ideal match in another. I married my husband a year after knowing him, who was my only date after a week of being on eharmony. Yes I paid of a whole year. No I did not use it. We laughed about that. But it was $250 Canadian for a year. Money I made back almost instantly in going for dinner dates or activities together that my new boyfriend paid for. The boyfriend I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t met him on eharmony. So as a woman it’s not like your money is wasted on the site. Even if you don’t find the “one” go on enough dinner dates and you’ve made your 3 payments of $68 back easy peasy. Two, this site is supposed to be slow giving you matches on purpose. So you lose the judgment of others based on only a face and read and connect with the person through messages. People you normally would instantly overlook because you didn’t like the hat or sunglasses in one picture would have a chance to impress you with their message if you don’t have 200 more choices on your screen. The site is supposed to take the work out of online dating. So you can sit back and log in twice a day to read and reply to your messages without endless searching based on silly things that may not actually be a compatibility factor anyway.
        I do think they should lower the price of the site. I think with so many people on it and when you are likely to find someone within 3 months paying for extra unused time is a bit unfair. But alas that is life. The good with the bad.
        Now I must go kiss and hug my 8 month old daughter created because of my match on eharmony. 😊💕

    • Erika says:

      Same here! I know that the area I live in has a lot to do with the lackluster dating pool. The matches I received from Eharmony were laughable, if it matched me with anyone at all. They kept telling me to expand my search criteria and then proceeded to give me equally bad matches. My main sticking point is matches that are taller than me, I’m only 5’8″, but eharmony wanted to match me with people who were 5’5″. So frustrating!

      • Shannyn says:

        Frustrating sums up all of our experiences pretty well!

      • Victoria says:

        They really do need a way to highlight the one criteria that is going to be your most important. For me, it’s Religious belief. If you are 100% on everything, but 25% on religion, its a Hard No for me. I wish for a lovely blend of OKCupid (Stresses the “importance” of a subject scale) and eHarmonly (Showing % match).

  3. Eeek that sounds horrible! I met my husband through OkCupid and am so grateful to that service!

  4. Whitney says:

    >flips table< That is the best part of the whole thing!!! Good to know eHarmony is NOT the business.

  5. This is SO interesting. I met my husband in grad school, just slightly before everyone started going online, so this stuff is so intriguing to me.

  6. jen temcio says:

    I have friends who are talking about wanting to start dating online and I will totally tell them to read this first. Why does eharmony have to make it so permanent and weird?? Thank you for the info.

  7. Jed says:

    I’ve never tried online dating, but I have plenty of friends who enjoyed their experience with Plenty Of Fish. Actually, a couple I know who met through PoF are getting married later this year. I know this is purely anecdotal, but it sounds like a much nicer experience than what you went through with E-harmony.

  8. Wow, Shannyn, sounds like they just set you up with a whole lot of aggravation. I met my wife through Match ten years ago. I paid just to communicate with her specifically, and then being the very frugal person I am, cancelled because I had met my match…and they gave me a refund! (My wife didn’t ask for a refund out of principle.) Hopefully, you’ll find the right guy, or at least the right website, soon enough.

  9. Parthenia Jones says:

    Oh. Thanks for the warning. Good thing I read this, I was browsing on a few online dating sites the other day.

  10. Joni says:

    Hi there,
    I just came across this post while looking to see if anyone else had a rubbish experience with eharmony!

    In the 3 months on their site, I’ve had exactly one date with someone I had absolutely nothing in common with! A few days after joining, they removed the “last logged in” function, and as the weeks went on, I seemed to get matched with lots of outdated profiles (with references to popular culture that were outdated, etc..?) and they got further and further away.

    The ‘personality profile’ they created from the questions I answered when joining put me as a loud, outgoing person who doesn’t take risks and has hundreds of friends – almost the total opposite of my actual personality! I wasn’t able to change this.. I was matched with people who were also loud and outgoing who liked the same books and films as me – it was very difficult to even get a conversation going!!

    I was attracted to eharmony because I thought that those who would pay a decent amount for a subscription and who had to answer so many questions about themselves would be serious about finding a partner, but actually it turned out to be much the same people / profiles as I’d seen on other sites.

    Maybe it does work for some.. although everyone I’ve spoken to has had the same lonely experience as me!! I’ve joined plenty of fish which, while I might have to sift through all the one-night-standers and the marrieds, allows me at least do a search to choose my own potential matches and I can, at least, get to meet them before I reject them!! 😀
    Thanks for sharing your experience! x

    • Shannyn says:

      I’m so sorry to hear that- what an awful experience. Thank you for sharing this and adding onto my review. I hope others find this and don’t waste their time and money!

  11. Ugh, bad user experience is soooo awful. My online dating experiences have been less than stellar to say the least :/

  12. John Doe says:

    I’ve had the absolute worst experience with eHarm!!! I made the mistake of paying for 12 months. Since then (7 months later) I’ve had about a 1000 matches (no joke). Out of those maybe 5% contacted me. And out of those: half blocked me through mid-communication and the others I never heard from again. The other 95% matches I feel most are out-dated profiles and a lot of blocking going on. Every time I scroll through my matches I always find a greyed out profile (which means they’ve blocked me and “moved on.” I don’t care if people say they are doing me a favor by not leading me on. It’s just really frustrating knowing I have literally no chance with them. I’ve had friends evaluate my profile and they say there is nothing wrong with it. It’s just unbelievable and nauseating to know I wasted so much money and time.

  13. Robert says:

    That’s what the “moved on” means. I was on Eharmony for a year and a half. I had a couple of interesting matches, but I was deleted because too many women blocked me. I found it unlikely that I sent someone an inappropriate message, because you can’t do that. Anyway still looking.

    • Bob says:

      A year and a half just for a couple of “interesting” matches? That’s worth paying two hundred bucks? Seriously? LOL!!!

  14. Laura says:

    E-harmony ain’t what it used to be. I’ve joined, on and off, since the early 2000s. In the beginning, going through the zillions of Myers-Briggs type questions seemed annoying, but the matches I received made sense. I had a lot of good dates and two long-term relationships for my efforts. After a break from dating, I joined again recently and find the whole process/interface/pricing structure more confusing. I ended up with a longer package than I really wanted. I live in a large metropolitan area, so I would have thought that there would be many more matches, as there had been in the past, but I’m getting matches in other states! I’m also getting a lot of “this match doesn’t fit your criteria, but he’s a good match anyway.” I don’t really understand what that means. It’s very disappointing, particularly since my experience in the past had been so much better.

  15. Melinda says:

    Ugh. I signed up a week ago and I want out. I called and told them I am not ready and I’d pay for this month but if I can cancel the upcoming charges. They gave me a big excuse about the policy and sent me an email for me to write and make a claim. BUT basically you need to die or have a note from a physician. I’m seriously thinking of canceling… deleting everything first, making sure that auto renew thing is shut off and then changing my credit card number. Why should they get money for a service they are not providing me. How would they ever claim the money? Or would they eventually leave me along? Wish I knew if this could potentially bite me in the butt. I’m so disgusted and mad right now.

  16. Rob says:

    I have been a member for 7 + years… Have had some success but overall terrible quality in the women I dated.. Most of us had no connection and that really was of no fault of my own since I am a very social individual (I work in HR for Christ’s sake!!). I had my card stolen and forgot to update my card info.. They gave me no warning by email that they were going to do this and right as I had a match I wanted to talk to, Boom.. They shut me out.. When I called their customer line to get them to renew me back.. They stick me with the stupid package they push to everyone else.. A member of 7+ years!! They will now lose me for good because of this.. They potentially could’ve gotten even more years out of me had they shown some gratitude for my already many years of loyalty… But instead they treated me like just another Average Joe.. Well done eharmony, you showed your true colors today!!

  17. Frank says:

    I never even got to search through any matches, all i got was a line stating “We’re sorry – we are unable to find the right type of people for you. This does not reflect on you personally or your chances of finding a happy relationship. Thank you for trying eHarmony; we wish you the best in finding a great relationship.” seriously WTF?!? Don’t they state that they can help anyone so why am i so different that i get a line pretty much saying that they cant help.

  18. Jamie says:

    E harmony is the worst. I thought I was signing up for a three month subscription and I can’t get out of subscription till the end of year. It is a useless sight. Buyer beware. I feel like there is a class action suit here. They have connected me with no one. I feel like i just gave them money.

  19. savannah says:

    Oh my, I hate to say it, but I’m glad I’m not the only one. I keep getting matched with folks 3 states away, an 3 inches shorter. I know this sounds harsh, and I don’t to mean to be that way. I went on this site because they were supposed to look for someone compatible. One of my “compatible” matches was a guy with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I have nothing against that but, I don’t smoke….which I said in my profile. And I like guys either my height or taller than me….and in my state. Sorry, I’m just irritated because I paid for this.

  20. Liz says:

    I think so many of the profiles are for people that aren’t actually paying. I can’t imagine I would literally get 3 responses after reaching out to hundreds. I’m not that bad looking, and my profile isn’t disturbing. One of the responses was literally a statement that he’s not a paying member and his email address; so, I think a lot of the matches aren’t really available or active on the site. It’s a scam in my opinion, a costly scam.

  21. Kat says:

    You know you can just delete all your pictures in the profile – and either change your content to make it sound unappealing and/or delete as much as you can. Your content could be a rant about how you want your profile deleted but Eharmony won’t delete it. They may then delete it for you. If you ever need it again you’ll just need a new email address.

  22. Olivia says:

    Thanks for the post. I’ve just registered on Eharmony and I find it is a strange site. I didn’t pay for subscription and only using free plan to figure out what it’s like. I do not consume alcohol and searching for the one who never drinks. The site came with the hint that to find more matches I should look for men who drink occassionaly! What a stupid idea! LOL

    • Shannyn says:

      Ya, that’s totally not helpful. I get why they do it, but isn’t the service supposed to help you find your match, not just show you a list of single guys you have nothing in common with?

  23. beanthere says:

    If you want them to delete your account, upload medical photos of rectums, anuses and sphincter contractions. It works.

  24. Tay says:

    I’ve had eharmony for a solid year now and I’ve only had one conversation that lasted awhile, and then the guy ended up blocking me halfway through. I was actually interested in this guy, so I was super disappointed when he did that instead of just telling me that he was no longer interested. Ugh. I feel like it matches me with people that I have nothing in common with at all. It’s become a waste of time and money. I wish I would have done some research first before signing up.

  25. Jenny says:

    I hate eHarmony! Note to anyone that thinks they’ll just cancel in the three day window, nope, they lie. I tried to cancel after only 24 hours. After giving me several reasons why they would not cancel my subscription, I reported them to the Better Business Bureau. There final excuse was that only 5 or 6 states actually qualify for the three day cancellation term. Where was that in the Terms and Conditions I was sent. Nowhere! Beware of the crooks at eHarmony. Apparently there’s no accountability to follow their own rules. Now to try to get my account canceled before they charge me for another year. Probably be easier to close my bank account!


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