Blogger Confession: I Have No Clue What I’m Doing

January 3, 2012

Becoming A Problogger

I wrote an entire post and deleted the whole thing on purpose.  That’s serious business.

So, my dear readers.  I’m at what could possibly be an important crossroad in my life.  

When you graduated, did you have any real clue what you were good at and what you could offer the world, or did you even have to bother to ask that question to the persistence I’ve insisted upon for myself?  Not only am I graduating again, I’m graduating with an advanced degree and I have even less of a clue as to what I want or possibly could contribute.  If anything, after two intense years of school cruxed upon developing one’s skills of critical analysis I’ve internalized the art. Worse still- I seem to have taken my school work home with me and will graduate with an expensive degree in “Thinking Far Too Seriously.”

To be honest, I have no idea what kind of company I want to work for.  What also troubles me is not knowing what kind of company I’d like to start.  What is the absolute worst is not knowing where of either I’d do my best work.

I think I must have overdosed on Seth Godin, Jonathan Fields and all of the amazing blogs I read about entrepreneurship, being a linchpin and demanding more from life…what do they call that?  Analysis Paralysis?  It feels weird.

I think a lot about my legacy- my journey thus far has cultivated an appreciation of our finite time on this planet and I try to be mindful of what always could be my last words.

I absolutely love writing- I think I am in some way contributing something to the world, but I feel it isn’t enough.  As much as I ponder what could be my last words, I just as often take my next steps knowing they could be the last time my feet touch this earth- was I at least heading to somewhere that matters?

Books that change lives matter.  Companies like TOMS shoes, Three Avocados, FEED matter.  Revolutionaries that write and teach but also live in their own big shoes like Pat Flynn, Ash Ambridge,  Marie Forleo, Chris Guillebeau, Jenny Blake and Nathan Agin totally matter.  Small start ups that revolutionize the way we communicate, do business and enable people to empower themselves through media and internet technology matter.

I, more than anything, want to do work that matters and be a part of the communities of those who have mastered the art of mattering.

But crap, this is where the over-analysis of my schooling plays in…what exactly can I do that will matter and make a contribution?

People now make careers out of their lives instead of making lives out of their careers.  

“Work” and “Life” don’t have to be two separate spheres, where doing what matters; spending time with loved ones, contributing to charity, enjoying the sunshine have to be spent in our “off” hours apart from our creative contribution.  I guess I just want them both to be the same amorphous ameoba of awesome that’s worth writing about.  My life needs to be better blog fodder, but before it is- I need to figure out what that fodder’s gonna be.

I’m 25. I’m graduating and I’m tired.  I pray that I can finally find a place to fit and that what I’ve got is something worth sharing.  I hope there’s a company out there for me with a job description I can rock or rewrite, and if not, I pray I’ll be cool enough to strike it out on my own.

Also, did I mention I’m open for suggestions?

You are loved.  Thank you for being a part of this.  

12 comments so far.

12 responses to “Blogger Confession: I Have No Clue What I’m Doing”

  1. parisianfeline says:

    I like this post. I love personal posts. <3

    When I graduated from college I didn't know jack about squat. I changed my mind every few months about my career goals, failed at finding cool internships to do and spent my summers looking for work in retail – and not finding any. So when I left academia, I just sort of did whatever. My life, since graduating in 2010, has been more wayward than focused. I had no real idea what I wanted out of a job (much less a career) and am just now formulating some ideas.

    What do you define as "work that matters"? To me, my first thoughts are to focus on what you're personally invested in. Like, I love animal rights and want to work in that field of protecting wildlife. And I want to write, and create comics and photography – hopefully to help raise awareness for animal rights and welfare. To me, that's work that matters because it matters to me! Hah. Selfish, yes, but it's pretty simple and forthright.

    I think life is hardest when we don't know who we are or where we stand in the world (or know our opinions about the world that we live in). But the only way to really find out is to DO. What do you like? Do you have any skills? Maybe you can just take any job in a field you find vaguely interesting. I mean, once we're out of school we have all the time in the world (unless you have a job already then perhaps finding a cool internship or freelancing in a field you think you might enjoy).

    Also, I believe strongly in spirituality – centering, taking time to meditate, finding a group of spiritually like-minded people can help you as well. If you believe in that sort of thing of course :3

    But also: even the act of being who you are to the fullest is an act of contribution. The world needs more happiness and authenticity. 😀

    • Shannyn@FruBeautiful says:

      Thanks for the awesome comment! The trouble with my interests is that I'm not sure if they're in demand. I love working in social media and the ways it's changing how we do business. I love companies that have ethics baked right in and are innovating the way they interact with customers and give back…I have a lot think about!

  2. Michelle says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I love my job, but back when I graduated, I wouldn't have predicted this at all. I imagined myself traveling more.

  3. Jeffrey says:

    I was in a similar position as you – I graduated with a master's degree in 2010 (and went to grad school right after undergrad). I did a year of AmeriCorps VISTA after that, and now I'm working at a nonprofit that has nothing to do with my degree. I still don't know what I want to do, and I'm not sure I'll ever go back to the field my degree is in.

    Assuming that you at least know the general area you're interested in, I'd recommend doing your best to find the most interesting and exciting first job you can. Doing something that gets you excited, even if it doesn't pay the most, is important because you might not get the same opportunity later in life. Odds are you won't be there very long (most people don't stay in their first job for years and years), and I think the best way to find out what you like is to just give something a shot and see.

    Congrats on graduating, and best of luck on figuring things out!

    • Shannyn@FruBeautiful says:

      Totally Jeffrey- I have to give it a lot a lot of thought and some prayerful consideration as well. I've spent enough time in classrooms and working a job that goes nowhere (my last position ended after they told everyone we weren't going to get promotions, pay raises and there were no lunch breaks…good times). Life is too short to be miserable and unchallenged! Thanks for the advice!

  4. PKamp3 says:

    I'm with Jeff – spread your resume around until you get a relevant hit, then pick the best one of the companies interested. When you go on site to interview you'll get a good idea about company culture, and be able to pick the one you'll fit with best.

    Just a thought – at 25 you're still young enough that any mistakes you make in this process are still possible to fix!

  5. @applecsmith says:

    I don't know if I can be of much help. I've always been pretty focused on what I like and dislike and what I "wanted to be when I grew up".

    I didn't go to a 4 year college or get an advanced degree. I went to tech school and really honed in on what I wanted to learn. I didn't need all the mumbo jumbo, I had specific skills that I needed developed. Mostly because I have a love affair with my career! Not in a bad way though.

    It might be helpful to find your love and passion WHILE you're doing something mundane. When I was first starting out I didn't always choose the right path. But I found what I LOVED in any part of my job/life and I focused on that aspect.

    I think you have a huge heart, and can accomplish great things while affecting other people's lives. You've already affected mine, and you don't even realize it. Sometimes, by just "doing your job" you affect those around you without even trying.

    Hope that helps!

  6. Shannyn@FruBeautiful says:

    Aww Carrie, you are so sweet, thank you so much for the kind words! I am so glad we've become friends, hanging out with you have been some of my favorite memories of being a blogger. Truly, your support has been tremendous! Are you going to Fincon12? I'm so ready for this….we have a lot of fun stuff to plan for Denver if you're able to go! 🙂

  7. shanendoah says:

    I was going to join the Peace Corp after I got my BA. For various reasons, it didn't happen. I got in to admin work because it paid the bills. I got into healthcare because it was in demand (and has a lot of admin work to do).
    I'm lucky because I landed with a company whose mission statement I believe in, but it doesn't mean I'm ready to settle. My goal is to transition in the next few years to a major global health organization.

    If you're not sure what you want to do, try something. No where does it say your first job out of college (even with a masters) has to be your last job, or even the only field you ever work in. Experiment. Find out how your passions match up to business needs.
    And you also need to decide if your job needs to be a dream job. My dream job is still probably museum curator. But when I went for a masters, it was an MBA, not an MA in museum studies. Instead of the dream job, I went for the job that will let me live my dreams (and still work in a field I care about).

  8. Stephanie says:

    I was in this position two years ago. It was fun reading your post, cause it was like reading my old posts at that time. This probably doesn't help, but I'm still not sure what I want to do when I grow up. At some point over the last two years I decided to just let things unfold the way they want…yes, of course I had to make money in the meantime – that accounts for the store which also nurtures my creative side – and I picked up a part time job. I'm content to wait until the universe points in the right direction. However, I have to do my part, which means listening and honoring the signs that are given to me…good luck!

  9. […] her blog, so I loved that just this week she posted something that helped me get to know her- Blogger Confession: I Have No Clue What I’m Doing. Sweetie, if it helps, most of us […]

  10. jhudah says:

    wow! I think i just saw someone feels what im feeling. I also feel lost right now. I’m 22 and also just graduated from college, got my license for my profession so i can now work at hospitals or private clinics. But the truth is I dont really love my profession, i really think that it is not for me. And now the idea that my profession is really not a joke, really freaks me out. My profession is medical technologist just so you know.
    I think we should really have to find our interests, everyone has their own interests. And most importantly to have a dream and a goal in life.

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