When I started Frugal Beautiful two years ago, I mainly focused on frugality and finance in my writing.  I would spend hours pouring over my own finances, working long hours and trying to side hustle for income- expending every last bit of energy to getting my money in order.  Health was always an afterthought- I would wait until I was starving to plan a meal, often reaching for something high in calories and being too tired to exercise.

When I finally had the realization that fitness was important- I battled with ways to incorporate fitness into a blog about frugality and personal finance- but eventually, while out on a run, I had the epiphany that the two are interrelated.  Often, the behavior that causes us to live unhealthy lives- whether overeating, lack of exercise, avoiding the doctor or unhealthy indulgences with our health, are the same that destroy our wealth:  overspending, lack of planning, avoiding our debt and ahem, unhealthy indulgences with our money!

If you want to be financially or physically healthy, it’s easy to draw wisdom from either in order to make yourself wholly healthy. We all know that often being unhealthy costs us money, and conversely, when we’re financially unhealthy the stress spills over into our personal lives, making us feel stressed, tired, susceptible to unhealthy weight loss or gain- but beyond that, how are health and wealth connected?

1.  Diets Don’t Work.  Changing Behavior Does.

Many people feel they can turn around years of overspending or overeating by radically changing their behavior with a fad tactic- or a diet.  Tuning out all of your carbs or telling yourself you “won’t buy anything” for 30 days can be useful in the short term, but if you don’t address the behavior behind your bad habits, you’ll rebound back twice as hard.

I sometimes do participate in a “30 day no spend challenge” and have failed several times.  It was only after I discovered my emotional triggers for shopping that I was able to go 30 days without any impulse shopping.  I realized that if I subscribed to marketing emails from my favorite brands, I’d be emotionally compelled to “take advantage of a good sale” whether or not I really needed an item-  I was spending more by trying to “shop the sales,” and it was counterintuitive.

Conversely, how many times have you gone on a diet with your finances or your food and only bounced back twice as hard- packing on the pounds or spending hours in the shopping mall after depriving yourself of any indulgences whatsoever.  Fad diets are enticing because they offer a quick fix.  You have to make long term changes if you want long term results!

2.  Whether You’re In Debt or Overweight, To Get Healthy You Have To Get Specific.

I failed at making fitness a habit several times. I told myself I just wanted to “lose weight,” and fell off the wagon very quickly with such a vague goal.  Additionally, when I attempted to save up for an “vacation,” without really knowing what it would be for, I lost interest and would dip into my savings fund for other things like shoes and clothes.

In 2012- I committed to run the Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World in Florida and I knew that it would take two things:  a lot of hard work to train my body, and plenty of hard work to train my habit to save!  All of a sudden, when I had a soul stirring, heart wrenching goal that was “too big to fail,” I knew exactly what work it would take to get there.  Additionally, I set up a specific savings account with ImpulseSave (see my post about the saving for Princess Half) that would give me visual representations of my progress each week.  I knew I would have to save at least $20 a week and put aside any extra gift money I got for the holidays to pay for my goal.  I was realistic about my goal and knew the path I’d have to take to get there.

After 7 months of training, I ran over 300 miles to prepare for the Princess Half Marathon.  I also saved $20 each week to pay for the trip to avoid going into debt to do this half marathon.   Any goal you have, whether physical or financial needs to inspire you and you also need a definitive plan, with an end date, to put it in motion, otherwise you’ll be battling against yourself the whole way to make those big changes!

3.  Recognize You Are On A Journey & Don’t Go It Alone

If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done, but often, we take the journey to health on our own because we’re ashamed of people seeing how vulnerable we are, or see the truth about our situation when we’re scared to even see it ourselves. While both debt or diet can leave us feeling horrible about ourselves, if you want to make big changes, don’t hide behind your fear.

Sometimes getting your body and your finances in check requires a support team of professionals, family, friends and peers that get where you’re coming from.  If you’ve been struggling for years and your finances are in the red or you are feeling totally out of shape- don’t attempt to overhaul this by yourself. No one is judging you the way you think they are!  The journey to get healthy will be long- it doesn’t matter if you’re paying down debts or saving up for a house, if you’re trying to lose weight or build up to your first half marathon, it takes a village.

Chances are, if you’ve experienced failure in the past, it was because you tried to go it alone.  I often would cheat myself out of success by trying to “DIY” everything-  from my running to managing my finances.  When I finally invested in a women’s gym that had a running program and hired a family friend to help me set up my ROTH, it was like a burden had been lifted.  The stuff I hated doing (and usually prevented me from making smart choices) was delegated to a professional, and when I had questions about my goals or had to overcome obstacles, I had a support network to do so.

Invest in yourself- everything worth having takes money, it takes time, and mostly- it takes work.  If you want to get healthy, it takes an investment!

Have you ever committed a huge health or financial goal?

How did you do it?

Disclosure: I have been a loyal ImpulseSave user for the past year and used their site to save for my trip to attend the Princess Half Marathon.  I recently had the opportunity to partner with ImpulseSave as a sponsor but opinions and the information provided is entirely my own.

I know I’m probably going to get some guff for this, but when it comes to bringing debt into a relationship I think it’s NOT COOL.  I’m going on this rant because I see too many 20-somethings bringing gobs of debt into a relationship or others that assume that tackling debt is something you only deal with when things get serious (or someone proposes.)   Others, I’ve heard, believe that debt shouldn’t matter when you love someone.  WHAT?  BULLCRAP.  Debt matters.  Money problems, if not dealt with properly can totally kill the warm fuzzies you have with someone.

You can’t pay bills with hugs nor can you really buy someone’s love-  but thinking that money and love have nothing do with each other is silly.

It seems to me that there are plenty of young folks that have accepted credit card debt or mortgage-sized student loan debt as a way of life. “Meh,” they say.    Others still believe that bringing debt into a relationship is totally fair and normal, that working on debt after being married is fine and acceptable.  I have heard horror stories of people who didn’t know about their spouse’s debt until they were already engaged or about to wed-  they usually feel shocked and worried, rightfully so.

What gets me really crazy are the worst offenders- those that think “If you love me, you’ll love my debt…or at least help me pay for it.”

But I have to ask- how fair is it to let someone fall in love with you, make plans to get married and then state, “Oh by the way, when it comes to my money, our relationship was based on lies I funded with a credit card!”  At times, people go into great lengths to hide their debt from their partner and even from themselves.  Whether they hide the reality of their debt by hiding credit card statements, or masking their financial realities by maxing out a credit card to keep up appearances- it’s all deceitful.

To me, if you’re buying your partner gifts you can’t afford, you’re lying- and if you don’t think you’re lying, you at least cheating your partner by making them pay for the life you’re living now in the future you’ll share together.  The things you can’t afford now become their burden later, of course, with interest and fees.

What surprises me most is that some people don’t see hiding their debt as deceitful.  I recently grilled a friend who was talking about the fact her boyfriend had no idea she was over $10k in credit card debt, and he had no idea about her student loan debt, around $20k.  So, this girl is $30,000 in debt and her soon-to-propose boyfriend has NO idea, even though as her husband, he will soon be wedded to not only her debt load, but her habits as well.  Disclosing debt ranks up there in necessary honesty along with telling your partner if you’re still legally married to someone else, have kids from another relationship, a criminal record and so on.

I’m baffled as to why people think it’s okay to lie or hide debt.  Truthfully, when you’re in serious debt, this impacts your relationship, even before you tie the knot or live together.

So, when should you disclose your financial realities to your partner? When does it become their business?  I would say that being honest from the start, or at least, as soon as possible is the best policy.  Honesty may not begin with a conversation- but it begins with hints that you will be living within your means.  It’s not necessary to have a full “we need to talk” sit down conversation with your partner if you’re in debt, but you begin establishing transparency in your actions far beforehand.

From the point you realize you are serious about both your debt and your partner, being authentic and committed to both, your actions should reflect that.

Being authentic and committed is harder than it sounds, but you can start small- you don’t have to have a dramatic conversation but you do need to make adjustments in how money guides or impacts your relationship.   No matter where you are in a relationship, if you’re not at the point where it’s necessary to have “the talk,” simply start making changes.  Even your smallest actions, like how often you and your partner have date nights or how much money you spend on gifts (especially if you can’t afford it) are financial decisions we take for granted.  Making smaller adjustments or having somewhat casual discussions about money can open the doorway to a less painful but more serious conversation about money down the road.

Not every relationship leads to shared finances in a marriage, but I firmly feel that if you want to offer the best for your future partner, you need to face your debt.

Most people understand that debt happens, whether it’s the result of crazy college years or crazy college tuition, but you need to care before it becomes an issue for your partner.  I firmly believe that debt shouldn’t automatically be assumed to be your spouse’s problem, nor is it something to get real about when you get real about your relationship.  Whether you’re looking for love or already found it, now is time to lay the foundation for a happy relationship so when you’re ready for the next step, you will know you’re prepared emotionally and financially.

The best relationship advice I ever received is that you should BE the kind of person you wish to date and truly, getting ready for love starts with being real about your debt.

There are so many people that ready themselves for love by preparing their lives in every other way, but seem to neglect their finances.  Others go out of their way and hide their debt thinking that the time to reveal their financial history is when rings are exchanged- but a commitment to a happy relationship begins much, much sooner.  It takes being honest with yourself and when trust is established, being honest with your partner.

So, if you’re in a relationship, do you talk about debt?

Have you or your partner been in debt?  How did you deal with it?(or have you?)

I was on a chat the other day with a good friend of mine that was telling me that she really wanted to relocate to a new city, but couldn’t do so yet because she was afraid of “not having enough money.” Before we delve into today’s post, let’s delve into the fear that surrounds having “enough,” and what it means to truly “be broke.”

Two years ago, I was getting ready to leave for graduate school which was a cross-country move with no job lined up. I didn’t get funding for my program and I was terrified of going broke. TERRIFIED to the point that I couldn’t sleep at night and I would start to draw up budget charts with Crayola markers as if that would help me better control each and every penny that came and left my bank account. I was micromanaging my entire life as if doing so would help me combat the fear of the unknown and most of all, the panic attack inducing fear of “going broke.”

Truth be told, if you would have asked me what “enough” money was, I couldn’t tell you. I vowed that I needed enough money to be comfortable and feel safe, but I couldn’t put a number to it. That idea, right there is the point of this post- unless you can put an attainable and realistic dollar amount to your fear, you’re letting it rule your life.  Most of us have never really been truly, hopelessly broke but the idea of being broke seem so scary that it guides our decisions.

When all was said and done and I finally started living in the city, I needed to make $1,000 a month to live comfortably. That would cover everything- rent, utilities, food, entertainment and of course money that might as well have been burned. Problem was, I rarely, if ever, made $1,000 a month as an unfunded graduate student working a part time job and I started to dip into savings.

The first few months I had to use my emergency fund, I went into panic mode. I started going over my Excel spreadsheets and guilting myself for not being able to live within the $800 a month I was making (yes, I realize now that was crazy, but when it was all I had, you can imagine I was going to try like hell to make it work and regain control!) My savings account got smaller and smaller- I could feel myself plummeting into my impending doom of bag-lady living, going destitute and being miserable. I thought life sucked now, and it was only going to suck more when I went completely broke.

Guess what? Two years later, I have LESS in my savings account than I did two years ago. I have nearly no money saved (not that it’s anything to brag about, but I am debt free and most of my student loans are nearly paid off.) I have about 3 months of living expenses set aside, and while that isn’t ideal, I want to make the point that I’m better than I have ever been.

Truth is, there are people living on half of what we have and they’re twice as happy.  We’re not as afraid of going broke & hitting bottom as we are of having “less” than someone else.

The main “demon” that I tackle on Frugal Beautiful is debt- especially consumer debt. The bulk of young women I deal with are grappling with debt from shopping addictions or fancy apartments they couldn’t afford in a down economy, the rest of us are simply trying to live with what we’ve got and are struggling to save up a nest egg. Yet, as I had this conversation the other day, I had to wonder, how many of us are hiding behind the idea of “having enough money” and it’s preventing us from doing what we really, truly want to do?

Some women never need an excuse to do what they want (usually though, this is in terms of buying stuff) yet there are plenty of us who grapple with guilt and punish ourselves for not having enough. Additionally, we may hide behind the fear of being a bag lady without a decent emergency fund to the degree where we never take a risk, relocate, go travel, start a business or quit a job we hate simply because we cannot fathom what it’s like to not have what we have now.

I can tell you from experience that if all the money you had now were gone, you’d be okay. It would suck, but you would survive.

There are plenty of people that truly are on the edge of disaster with their savings where one small emergency could lead to home foreclosure, a lawsuit or necessitating they sell off everything they own to have a roof over there head- I would wager that most of us are nearly not that bad off… the worst we would face would be canceling memberships, taking a second job or selling off *some* of our stuff.

I strongly feel that most people who have never experienced poverty have no idea how little they could really live off of.  I don’t think anyone that has had to actually “just survive” knows what true, simple survival is like-  but the idea of having to give things up, to change a lifestyle, to not live up to the standards of “well off,” that we’ve set for ourselves scares the bejeesus out of us.  We cannot truly be scared of living on the streets because chances are, that would never be an issue- the heart of the fear is change, uncertainty and feeling insufficient.

Most of us, even on our worst days would never actually be homeless- someone would always help out.  We would never be homeless and hopeless, that’s beyond comprehension for the average person, what we truly fear is losing our privilege and our minds are running amuck with doomsday scenarios that will never actually pan out.  The fear of sacrifice and living on less (read: NOT living on NOTHING) is what keeps us from quitting a sh*tty job, marrying our lover or relocating to our dream city.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself, because trust me, if you allow yourself to take a risk and sh!t hits the fan, you will amaze yourself at your own blood, sweat and ingenuity to make it right again.

Or, you can live in fear and never know what it’s like to feel free and self-sufficient, your choice.

1.  Colleges are like large shopping malls- your college is a brand like any other with merchandise to match.

I remember how shocked I was when I saw advertising for my college all over the city- on buses, on billboards, and yes, on PANDORA radio.  Universities are a business like any other-  many students are buying the “label” or the name of a school without understanding if their particular degree from that university will be worth the price tag.

Don’t worry, school branding (and the cost) doesn’t stop at your acceptance- you get to buy the lifestyle and the merchandise to match!  I’m not sure how we stack up to our parent’s generation, but today’s bookstores are stocked with “designer university” gear to show the whole wide world you’re educated with complete branding from head to toe:  University branded stickers, water bottles, t-shirts, teddy bears and $80 “designer inspired” couture sweatpants with your school’s logo (I kid you not.)  A student doesn’t just attend, she “wears” her school’s brand- and typically, it’s paid for in student loans and credit cards.

Looking back, I always had an inferiority complex because my school wasn’t as prestigious as those of some of my friends.  Knowing what I know now, I graduated with less than 1/3 the debt they have and they didn’t fare any better on the job market than I did.  Not all degrees, school names or majors are created equal- don’t by the hype, know what you’re paying for. You want to make sure you have a quality grad certificate.

2.  Tuition & Living Expenses Are Rising-  Return On Investment For 4 Years Of Educational Investment Is Slow.

The American Dream isn’t so much about home ownership anymore, but now is sold early: attend the “best” university you can.  The dream has been bought and sold without students truly understanding if their career choice will enable them to pay it all off before retirement time.  The fact is that many students are unrealistic about how long it will take to pay off their debts.

“I’ll be able to afford it,”  or “My career advisor told me that I have to go into debt into this career field.  It’ll pay for itself,”  and my favorite of all time “Everyone’s in debt, I’ll deal with it when I graduate.”  These are some of the most common lines I hear time and time again when I ask students and former students about their debt.  Some act as if they didn’t have a choice, and truth be told- some low income or first generation students don’t have a choice.  It isn’t so much that students are in debt but that they are in way too much debt without the ability to pay it back in a reasonable amount of time.

What scares me the most is that many students don’t realize that student loan debt is not dischargeable in bankruptcy-  it is the one debt that sticks with you.  What scares me nearly as much is the common attitude that you have to go into gobs of debt to get a “good” degree and thus a “good” job, but we’ve seen that this equation isn’t flawless and most all, even with a good job, debts never seem to get paid off as soon as one hopes.  When kids graduate with $100k in student loans for a B.A. or M.A., the debt doesn’t stop there- they get further backlogged by other expenses like cars, weddings, homes and medical bills. Student loan debt gets compounded by “life,” and things don’t get paid back as tidily as many students predict.

3.  The Dichotomy Between Rich & Poor Is An Illusion Upheld By Access To Credit.

In reality, something purchased on credit that you cannot pay back is not something you truly own- when you’re in debt, those things you buy own you.  Debt means living on borrowed time that is translated from borrowed money.  Students  are often forced to live beyond their means due to the high expense and investment of schooling and being able to bring in income, but many are living far, far beyond their means because they have access to credit cards.

When I moved to Chicago for grad school, I was shocked at how many of my fellow students were on government assistance (A.K.A. food stamps.)   all of these folks worked at least part time and still couldn’t make it past the poverty line even with scholarships & assistance. These students were getting by on a mix of student loans, scholarships, assistance and part time jobs with the occasional help of a credit card to get by month to month.  At the same time, I’d walk across campus to see kids with designer clothes on, eating fast food & living on campus housing furnished by IKEA or Pottery Barn.   While some of those kids had rich parents, some of them were surely masking the reality of their situation with consumer debts.

What happened to the cliché of college kids living on chump change, eating Top Ramen off of furniture composed of cinder blocks and plywood?  Those kids still exist, but the only thing  separating them from the kids who “had it all” weren’t necessarily rich parents, but access to credit and the willingness to use it frequently.  Just like out in the real world- being “well off” is an illusion purchased on borrowed time for many college students who are dodging the collector.

4.   Many students are in nearly as much consumer debt as student loan debt.

As mentioned, at both my undergrad in California and my stint as a grad student in Chicago, I saw a variety of realities-  but was always shocked at how nonchalant young people were about their debt.  At the time I attended my undergraduate institution, tuition and expenses were still competitive for a state school- averaging around $2,000-$3,000 a semester.  In comparison to my graduate school- that was a bargain!

What astounded me is talking to my sorority sisters and colleagues from social clubs on campus is the fact that while they would take out $10k to cover tuition and books, their consumer debt was sometimes equal or greater to their student loans and at triple the interest rate!  Students would sometimes shrug off their consumer debt and attributed it to the nature of the beast- just a normal part of “college life.”

What I found shocking was the number of kids who went to a more affordable state school to save money, but would end up matching or exceeding their subsidized student loan debt with consumer debt at double the interest rate.   Many would save money on tuition only to make up for it with car loans, shopping, summer vacation trips or expensive housing packages and off-campus apartments.

5.  Most students don’t realize how deep their debt is and continue to spend until they’re faced with a bleak job market.

What I’ve learned from college is that this is the critical time when spending addiction takes hold.  Students who are excited about living on their own are suddenly approached with credit cards, freedom and endless shopping choices.  Pair that with the mentality that they’re “already in debt,” and have “four years to worry about it,” can sometimes means students get a taste for what they can’t afford.

Student loan debt can be deferred due to financial hardship, though it will still accrue a 6.8% (or higher) interest rate during deferment.  What I’ve seen time and time again, is that many students don’t understand that not all debts are created, or thus, penalized the same.  Many rack up huge consumer debts or attend schools out of their price range- sometimes going into debt into the triple digits thinking that “they’ll pay it back,” when they get a job…but what happens when you can’t find a job?

I’ve been told by conservative estimates that one should expect to search for a job for at least 6 months.  If you’re lucky, you’ll have a paycheck by the time student loans are due, otherwise, go into deferment or if you’re also in consumer debt- you might default!

A year after graduating, I started to talk to some of my college friends who admitted to having to make drastic cuts to their lifestyles to be able to handle their debt load- with what some might argue, perks they shouldn’t have had to begin with:  gym membership, salons, cable t.v. and regular trips to the mall.  Many thought they could make it work or that they’d come out on top despite the bad economy.  I’ve seen more than my share of desperate Facebook posts & Craigslist deals from overspending recent grads who have to sell off their stuff, and fast.

What lessons did you learn about money & debt from college?

What do you wish you’d have known?

I’m about to go on a 30-No-Shopping Challenge to not only curb my spending but to save up for a potential move.  I’ve been doing a lot of shopping lately and while I have to say I have excellent taste and can spot a bargain, I am not quite happy with the fact that I’m not saving more.  I’m bleeding out the funds that should be socked away for an expensive post-graduation life.

Here’s what I’ve come to discover…beyond the surefire signs of an out of control credit bill/spending more than you earn, there are some subtle signs and trip-ups that are leading to an out of control budget.

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