I might as well come clean- I’ve done this online dating thing. As much as most of us hate to admit it, it’s more common than we think, and as time goes on, I see more and more people finding long term relationships and even marriages from meeting people online (not always from dating sites either!).

For me, online dating sites have been a mixed bag. While I’ve met some very cool people- not all of which lead to something long term, but some lead to friendships.   I’ve also had my share of well- surprises…(It seems women love to downplay their weight according to my male friends, and from my experience, men love to play UP their height, and as a girl who is 5’8″ I’ve had some annoying surprises).

 

What sites should you use?

-Consider your budget. Match.com, Chemistry.com, Eharmony.com are all paid sites (even if they offer “free weekends”) and sites like OkCupid.com are free.  I know that CouponCactus.com offers cashback and discounts for several of these dating sites, so if you want a paid site, it’s a great way to save money.  (Note:  using a dating site on a “free week/end” may not generate leads, it usually serves as a ploy for you to find someone, then pay to communicate with them).
-Take some time to research how sites “match” you up with potentials. Each uses their own measurements, and if you’re not into the whole “woo-woo” compatibility tests, you can find one that just matches you up one-to-one based on straight forward questions about aspirations, politics, and opinions (Like Okcupid.com)

-Also take into consideration the cost. Just because you pay for a site doesn’t mean you’ll get better results. In fact, it might be a disappointment that you’ve found someone with potential and because they haven’t paid for their membership, you cannot communicate.

Things to Consider When Creating a Profile:

-Pick pictures that are flattering and highlight what you want to show off, but don’t smack of “editing.”   One of the classic tricks of people who are worried about their appearance or insecure about their weight will be to post photos with weird angles, odd lighting or the vast majority of their body cropped out of the picture.  Even if you are proud of what you’ve got, be aware that a photo that looks MySpace-esque could send the wrong message.

-Be very clear when creating your profile what you are looking for.  There are creepers out there, trolling the net for flings and hookups.  You can just let people know that you’re ready for something serious.

-Whatever you do, don’t air your dirty laundry.  It’s amazing how many profiles I’ve seen where people feel the need to relay that they’ve “had their heart broken,” or “don’t like douchebags.”  Sure, this may be true- but it leaves a first impression that you’re not over your past.

-Realize that someone seeing your profile will size you up very, very quickly- in fact, sometimes unfairly so.  They, like you, are just trying to sniff out potentials very quickly and weed out anyone that just doesn’t “fit,” or seems to be embellishing/hiding physical or personality traits.   If you’re not getting any leads, you might want to review your profile, have a friend look it over or simply review other potential dates you may have written off too quickly.

 

Consider Trying Other Online Tools:

-Meetup.com is a great way to connect with other people with similar interests.  Some meetups can be free (or really cheap if organizers want you to pitch in $1-5 for space rentals or food).

-Playing games online (not that I would suggest playing WoW, but hey…)  or chatting in forums about various topics instantly connects you to people with similar interests and lifestyles.    One of my good friends met her husband on a forum and got to talking….the rest is history.

 

 

Everyone I’ve spoken to to gather feedback about their online dating experiences has had different things to say.  I would recommend mixing up your tactics and trying different sites if one doesn’t work out.  I would also suggest you be very clear in your mind and on your profile about what you’re looking for.   When you find someone with potential, it’s easy to judge them based on a very limited profile- if someone holds potential, give them a chance.

The biggest gripe I’ve heard about online dating is that they just couldn’t “find someone interesting.”  The great potential of online dating is that it instantly connects you to a variety of people, the downside is that sometimes these connections can be easily dismissed based on false judgements or assessments of potential dates based on a truly limited number of factors.

My advice?   Stick to your guns on what you’re looking for in terms of values, life goals and interests- but be open minded when it comes to the person carrying those traits.  It might be tempting to write someone off based on a bad profile photo or a few initial nervous and fumbled conversations, but use your gut and be safe!

 

 

What are the best apps to get you around in a new city?  You may know about Google Maps, but did you know how handy it is when you have to use public transportation?  

How about those of you looking for love and activities?  Have you considered these fabulous tech services to help you find love and companionship in a new zip code?  Read on!

 

-Yelp.com and Citysearch.com: Find anything you need based on your geographic location and filter based on price, user reviews and whether or not they serve alcohol and take credit cards!

If you’re on a computer, you can type in your address and find the closest Indian Restaurants and make your decision based on user reviews and price!  If you’re mobile, use your phone to give you walking or public transportation directions as you move.  Yelp has been my go-to tool for navigating Chicago’s train lines.

-Google Maps: Unlike other map sites, Google  Maps allows you to quickly view different routes for walking, biking, public transportation and of course, driving.   Not having a car got significantly less sucky!

-FourSquare: This is one of my favorite phone apps!  If you’re out in a new city, or even want to find some really hilarious hidden spots (like the “Batcave” and “Masturabatorium” near my apartment) download this app to your phone and post your check-ins around the city on facebook, or simply share with other friends on Foursquare!

-Meetup.com: There is a group for anything and everything.  In less than five minutes I was able to find groups for fellow pug lovers, knitters, feminists and Chicagoans on a budget and when they meet.  Chances are everyone in these groups will be adventurers like yourself who just want to make friends in a new city- so you’ll be in good (and equally unacquainted) company!

 

-OKCupid.com: Sure, some people would call this “OKStupid.com” but honestly- I’ve used it myself when I was timid and afraid to dip my toes into the waters of online dating.  If I was crazy enough to relocate to a new city by myself, how scary could this be?  Great news, is that it’s free and if you hate it, then cancel it!  You can get to know some great restaurants and coffee houses this way as long as you meticulously pre-screen for crazies.

 

-Couchsurfing: This takes a brave individual to either surf or host, but it might be fun!  The concept is simple:  randoms who need a place to crash can find other randoms to host them and let them stay at their house for free, or for a small favor (like dinner..not sexual favors, McNasty!).  You can do this while  you’re foraging an unfamiliar city, or, you can be the brave one and break in your freshly unpacked futon with some new  person from internet!

 

-Groupon: Groupon offers an array of great deals in your neighborhood!  Get deals to restaurants, salons, spas and theaters for 50-7% off.  This is a great way to try new types of foods and entertainment in your area that you might not want to pay full price for, or for places you adore but still want to save money!  I got a gift certificate to Amazon.com and Nordstrom Rack for 50% off this way!

But What About Off The Interwebs?

-Scout for Free Stuff: Head over to your local (Note: not Starbucks) coffee house, boutiques,  library and grocer to see what is posted on bulletin boards, and any local publications that you can pick up and check out for free.  This is how I got free postcards to send home, a free neighborhood guide and a list of community happenings to plan out my first month in a new city.

-Buy these shoes:

Okay, so maybe you don’t need these so-ugly-they’re cute Toms,  but they are GREAT for walking around in!  Celebrate your exploration by supporting your arches and children who need shoes.  Tom’s donates a pair to a child in need for each one that’s purchased.  Buy at your local shoe store or at Toms.com – but be aware, they run a little big!

-Simply talk to people! Before moving across country, I posted status updates about it on Facebook.   Chances are, your current friends have family or friends in your new area of choice.  I met several new friends simply because my Facebook friends helped me make that connection.  Also,  when you get to your new neighborhood, people will sense your bewilderment and are usually more than happy to help you out.

-Speaking of libraries…my local library had a whole section on Chicago guides, several of which went beyond the basic tourist information.  Chances are, you can find books for free or cheap that are geared towards exploring new locales on a budget.  Of course, a simple Google search can yield a lot of great info about your new area!