Valentine’s Day usually makes people groan whether they’re in a relationship or not.  Though, I’ll be honest, when you’re single on Valentine’s Day it’s even more annoying.  I come from the school of thought that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be relegated to the obnoxiously bright red aisles of the drug store intended to burn our retinas and guilt us for not having someone to buy an oversized teddy bear for.

A few years ago, I was single and decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day whether or not I was in a relationship.  I have some tips to make it frugal, fun and kind of ridiculous (in a good way, I hope) to celebrate love the way you want to!

1.  Celebrate Galentine’s Day instead of Valentine’s Day.

Leslie Knope from the popular show “Parks and Recreation” makes it a point to celebrate her friendships on the day before V-day by having a brunch and exchanging handmade gifts.  Leslie Knope’s planning is as cheesy as it gets- embroidered pillows, matching glasses, but honestly, Galentine’s Day can be anything you want.

In that spirit, plan an outing where you can do activities such as paintball, bowling, crafting or watching a movie marathon. Several years ago, I hostessed a Valentine’s Day cocktail party for all of my single friends- believe it or not, you’re not the only one!   Get crunk on mimosas, overdose on sugar and spend time with your gal pals.  Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to be cheesy for couples, it can be just as cheesy and fun for chicks who know how to turn the holiday on its head, or just an excuse to drink some cocktails and eat chocolate before the 14th gets you down!

2.  Hostess A “Cheesy Valentine Party,”  

If you’re like me, you may feel the urge to don a pair of sunglasses whenever you walk into a grocer or drug store during the month of February.  Those blindingly red aisles are enough to make anyone motion sick.  Many of us groan when we think of the goofy presents that line the shelves of drugstores and card stores – oversized stuffed animals, ridiculous boxes of candy and sappy cards.

If you have a group of single friends, host a party with a gift exchange highlighting the cheesiest gifts you can buy for under $15.  The person who brought the most ridiculous gift wins an extra prize.  See, though most of us think Valentine’s Day is ridiculous, we’ll all admit we want one of those damn oversized teddy bears or at least a box of truffles, especially if we don’t have to gift it to ourselves!

3.  Turn your attention to “puppy love.”

If you have a pet, spending a special day out together is a great way to celebrate the season of love.  Going to a pet meet-up, scheduling an extra long walk, taking goofy photos together and pampering your pet with a spa day could be fun- even if it just means giving them a much needed bath.

Additionally, if you’re ready for pet companionship, why not celebrate Valentine’s Day by volunteering at a local animal shelter or seeing if you’re ready to adopt a furry friend?  In February 2011, I adopted Ralph- an 8 year old rescue pug that has been my Valentine ever since.  There’s nothing more lovely than saving the life of a shelter pet who needs a home!

4.  Treat Yo’Self…Frugal Style

Honestly,there is nothing better for the soul than a good polish.  If there’s a grooming ritual you love, treat yourself to it, especially if you can snag a coupon!  Beat the winter blues and experiment with a new hair color, or finally use that spa voucher you got as a gift but never had time for.

If you subscribe to daily deal sites like Groupon, chances are you can get a mani-pedi half off and getting a good deal means there’s even more to love!

If you don’t have a gift card or coupon, call a salon ahead of time and see if they have discounted rates during slower weekdays and always avoid weekends and Vday itself unless you want crowds and “specials” that aren’t always so special (except for being expensive!)  Make sure you also stop off for a martini, cupcake or treat yo’self to something sweet!

5. Create An Adventure With Random Acts Of Kindess For $5 

There’s something tragic about Valentine’s Day that makes people feel more unloved than loved- ironic right?  Sometimes we spend so much time in our own heads wondering why love has done us wrong, that we forget that we’re not the only ones feeling that way.  A great way to feel love is to give it and let others randomly discover it for themselves.

For $5, you can take 5 $1 bills and leave them with a note for people to find- heck, even tuck them in those cheesy grade school Valentines.  You can purchase silly trinkets and leave them in places for people to find, or you can print inspirational quotes, Valentine’s or words of encouragement to tuck in library books, leave in train stations or tape to windows and mirrors in public places.  Sidewalk chalk is also a great and frugal way to leave messages to inspire others- only $2.99!

So, how are you celebrating Valentine’s Day this year?

How are you training people to treat you?

Just a thought to keep through the week-  if you’re struggling with a relationship in your life, perhaps a frustrating boss, an ex-boyfriend who won’t leave you alone or a friend who seems to be orbiting her on planet, recognize your role in your relationships.

We literally train people how to treat us- and recognizing our responsibility in the negative relationships we have in our life will help free up your heart and mind to solve the problems the relationship creates.  Whether you boss doesn’t seem to listen, have you been too meek to be taken seriously or feel insecure about your contribution to your job?  Do you sell yourself short? When was the last time you voiced your worth and demanded a raise?

As for your ex-boyfriend- if you answer his calls or secretly long to get back with him, your actions speak louder than your intentions!  Any friends you have that seem selfish or clueless have also been trained to treat the relationship that way and perhaps assume that you’re happy.

The actions you take or thus, don’t take train the people in your life to how to behave around you!

Sometimes it’s difficult and even painful to recognize your own responsibility in creating the relationship with others that you have.  We are all human, but our interactions and behaviors shape the continuation of that relationship.  It may seem impossible to acknowledge our responsibility, especially when our boss is a jerk or the guys we’re dating just don’t “get it,” but seeing what you’re doing to first create the situation, then to perpetuate the situation can be totally freeing.

Owning up to your participation in the situation will help you either stop it or walk away.

I realized a few weeks ago that while dating I was “training” guys to treat me a certain way. I would be disappointed that they weren’t gentlemen or romantic but realized I sent off a vibe that confused them, that I was too independent for sentiment  (by making them feel like I was too busy to date, and insisting on paying for the bill every time).  I built walls around myself and only attracted the wrong kind of guy.  I know we all do this kind of ‘training’ at work, in our family and in relationships- we feel guilty, lack trust or feel we aren’t worthy and people assume that’s how we want to be treated.

Of course we all go through rough patches or make mistakes in our relationships, but you have to voice your emotions and recognize that YOUR actions and attitudes play the biggest role in how people see and treat you!

Think about your relationships or interactions, can you see how “training” has been both a part of how you treat others and how you are treated?  

Breakups totally suck.  Trust me on this one- but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a profitable venture.  Trust me on that one too.

When you finally decide it’s time to move on you find yourself doing one of two things:  you either desperately hold on to any semblance of what love there was or you go on Ebay as soon as you’re done moping and purge everything that reminds you of them!

I’ve make it known that I recently officially ended it with a man I was really smitten with.  UGH.  For over two years we were on-again-off again…now that we’re off (like totally unplugged yo.)  …I was ready to have a sale!

From here on out- nobody lives in my head rent free and their stuff, no matter how lovely no longer shall live in my apartment!

Read more →

I’m single, and have been advised that I should not settle for anything in a relationship that would not be workable for the long term.   Some of my must-haves for a relationship are:  A college degree, love of pets {and yes, must love pugs}, at least 5’8″ or taller preferably…. and here’s one:  I don’t see a future with anyone who has debt.

People are usually supportive of my stringency when it comes to deal breakers, in fact- most of the people in my social circle encourage me to have requirements.  They, kindly enough, think I’m a catch (yay!) and want me to find a good match, even if it means being rather…particular about things.  But when it comes wanting a debt-free dude, am I being a jerk? Read more →

I might as well come clean- I’ve done this online dating thing. As much as most of us hate to admit it, it’s more common than we think, and as time goes on, I see more and more people finding long term relationships and even marriages from meeting people online (not always from dating sites either!).

For me, online dating sites have been a mixed bag. While I’ve met some very cool people- not all of which lead to something long term, but some lead to friendships.   I’ve also had my share of well- surprises…(It seems women love to downplay their weight according to my male friends, and from my experience, men love to play UP their height, and as a girl who is 5’8″ I’ve had some annoying surprises).

What sites should you use?

-Consider your budget. Match.com, Chemistry.com, Eharmony.com are all paid sites (even if they offer “free weekends”) and sites like OkCupid.com are free.  I know that CouponCactus.com offers cashback and discounts for several of these dating sites, so if you want a paid site, it’s a great way to save money.  (Note:  using a dating site on a “free week/end” may not generate leads, it usually serves as a ploy for you to find someone, then pay to communicate with them).
-Take some time to research how sites “match” you up with potentials. Each uses their own measurements, and if you’re not into the whole “woo-woo” compatibility tests, you can find one that just matches you up one-to-one based on straight forward questions about aspirations, politics, and opinions (Like Okcupid.com)

-Also take into consideration the cost. Just because you pay for a site doesn’t mean you’ll get better results. In fact, it might be a disappointment that you’ve found someone with potential and because they haven’t paid for their membership, you cannot communicate.

Things to Consider When Creating a Profile:

-Pick pictures that are flattering and highlight what you want to show off, but don’t smack of “editing.”   One of the classic tricks of people who are worried about their appearance or insecure about their weight will be to post photos with weird angles, odd lighting or the vast majority of their body cropped out of the picture.  Even if you are proud of what you’ve got, be aware that a photo that looks MySpace-esque could send the wrong message.

-Be very clear when creating your profile what you are looking for.  There are creepers out there, trolling the net for flings and hookups.  You can just let people know that you’re ready for something serious.

-Whatever you do, don’t air your dirty laundry.  It’s amazing how many profiles I’ve seen where people feel the need to relay that they’ve “had their heart broken,” or “don’t like douchebags.”  Sure, this may be true- but it leaves a first impression that you’re not over your past.

-Realize that someone seeing your profile will size you up very, very quickly- in fact, sometimes unfairly so.  They, like you, are just trying to sniff out potentials very quickly and weed out anyone that just doesn’t “fit,” or seems to be embellishing/hiding physical or personality traits.   If you’re not getting any leads, you might want to review your profile, have a friend look it over or simply review other potential dates you may have written off too quickly.

Consider Trying Other Online Tools:

-Meetup.com is a great way to connect with other people with similar interests.  Some meetups can be free (or really cheap if organizers want you to pitch in $1-5 for space rentals or food).

-Playing games online (not that I would suggest playing WoW, but hey…)  or chatting in forums about various topics instantly connects you to people with similar interests and lifestyles.    One of my good friends met her husband on a forum and got to talking….the rest is history.

Everyone I’ve spoken to to gather feedback about their online dating experiences has had different things to say.  I would recommend mixing up your tactics and trying different sites if one doesn’t work out.  I would also suggest you be very clear in your mind and on your profile about what you’re looking for.   When you find someone with potential, it’s easy to judge them based on a very limited profile- if someone holds potential, give them a chance.

The biggest gripe I’ve heard about online dating is that they just couldn’t “find someone interesting.”  The great potential of online dating is that it instantly connects you to a variety of people, the downside is that sometimes these connections can be easily dismissed based on false judgements or assessments of potential dates based on a truly limited number of factors.

My advice?   Stick to your guns on what you’re looking for in terms of values, life goals and interests- but be open minded when it comes to the person carrying those traits.  It might be tempting to write someone off based on a bad profile photo or a few initial nervous and fumbled conversations, but use your gut and be safe!