There is a lot of well-intentioned noise about there about the importance of self-love, self-esteem and the cultivation of your own sense of worth.  You gotta love yourself before you expect anyone else to and all that jazz.    It’s the kind of stuff made for  Pinterest, adorable and totally quotable.  On a good day you’ll be waving the banner of good juju and loving whatever normally makes you feel flawed.

But what about those other days?  What about the days when you wake up to a surprise?  New wrinkles, a rosacia flare up, pimples, cold sores, scars and that double chin that all of a sudden bothers you tremendously when your dress won’t zip up.  One little nuisance suddenly transforms into a whole array of body-hating-self-loathing.  How beautiful do you feel then?

Maybe you’re a beautiful vixen who never struggles with “those days.”  Let’s talk about money.  Those days when the credit card bill is due and you open the envelope only to hit the roof that you’ve overspent again, you forgot to pay a bill on time and got smacked with fees,  you owe someone money or your earnings were significantly less… you feel worthless.

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Isn’t that the truth?  I saw this quote and it immediately summed up what I’m experiencing now as I attempt to close a chapter of my life and move on.  I feel very fortunate to have people in my life that fit all the above categories- even the sad ones, it’s taught me a lot and I’m grateful.  I’m going to write a rather personal post today.  I feel that I need to get it off my chest, and if telling my story by only using vague references and blurry details in the revealing of what I’m thinking about is the only way to do so- so be it.

I think I’ve just broken up with someone.  Using the phrase “breaking up” with someone you were never actually in a “real” relationship with is kind of a misnomer, but if we are going to use the phrase as a measure of “suckyness” then the phrase is apt.  I’m writing because if there was ever a time to turn the page, it’s now. Read more →

As a culture, we seem to spend a lot of time attempting to cultivate self-esteem and confidence among young women still in their teens.  We seem to think this is the most vital time to do so- when we figure out what a bra is and that we need to wear one, when boys are just starting to notice, when we apply makeup for the first time and try to walk in uncomfortable shoes to our first school dance.

Self-esteem isn’t a one-time entrance fee …or an exam we pass or fail at 15.  

I would argue, as we age, we have to cultivate our own sense of self-worth and self-esteem in more abundant, holistic ways as we age.  There territory isn’t new persay, but still foreign to us- our boobs have grown in, but they’re not big enough, or perhaps they start to sag or worse, we realize they can give us cancer.  The boys are grown, but now they’re coworkers- we work with them, and sometimes, we marry them (even as they oogle our younger counterparts).  We are no longer filled with the girlish hopes.  We tell ourselves that we have to use makeup as our salvation, not just for sparkle. Heels are still just as uncomfortable, but now they come with sexy red soles and cost more.    We have wrinkles of varying depths, muffin tops and hair color becomes less and less about experimentation as it is self-preservation.

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